


it takes two to text-o

by SimplyEssa



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Again, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Background Relationships, Depression and Anxiety Folks, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Memes, Morbid humour, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Texting, Toxic By Brittney Spears, WHEEZE, for plot twists, ive hopped on the bandwagon, soft wheeze
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-06-27 11:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15684951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SimplyEssa/pseuds/SimplyEssa
Summary: beentheredonematt:/daddys home/pidgeperfect:U HOE I KEPT HIM OUT FOR A REASONlanceylance:¯\_(ツ)_/¯beentheredonematt:(งಠ_ಠ)งlanceylance:WAIT YOURE FORGETTING SOMETHINGlanceylance:( •_•)>⌐■-■beentheredonematt:ah thank u my loayal hoepidgeperfect:loayalbeentheredonematt:(ง⌐■-■)งlanceylance:purrfect~~~Or; another Voltron group chat





	1. and so it begins

**Author's Note:**

> (credit @ coldtothebone for the title wheezes softly)
> 
> err i have no update schedule, updates will be random  
> names should be evident in their users, the only one that might not be is balmarry me but shes p silent for the first few chapters and she's shay

_**pidgeperfect has added lanceylance, queef, shirogone, myqueen, hunkalicious, balmarryme and romello to before school starts this fall** _

 

_2:24am_

_**before school starts this fall** _

 

 **lanceylance:** SUMMER BELONGS TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

 **pidgeperfect:** fun u

 **lanceylance:** fun

 **hunkalicious:** fun

 **romello:** Fun.

 **balmarryme** **:** fun

 **queef:** fuck*

 **pidgeperfect:** i trust one (1) person

 **lanceylance** **:** top ten anime betrayals

 **shirogone:** is it not possible for you all to sleep

 **lanceylance:** émpossible

 **hunkalicious:** thats not how you spell it in french

 **lanceylance** **:** BEFORE YOU--

 **lanceylance** **:** fuck

 **romello:** Fun*

 

**_pidgeperfect has left the chat_  
**

 

 

_2:35am_

 

**_shirogone @ beentheredonematt_  
**

_ _

**beentheredonematt:** who u be teting this late of an hour

 **beentheredonematt:** hell why are u /AWAKE/

 **beentheredonematt:** ur the responsible one go to bed

 **shirogone:** I am texting a group chat pidge added me to?

 **beentheredonematt:** PLEASE HOLD

 

_2:36am_

 

_**beentheredonematt @ lanceylance** _

 

 **beentheredonematt:** TRAITOR

 

_3:32am_

 

_**before school starts this fall** _

 

 **queef:** i started scrolling through tumblr and now i cant stop help

 

_**lanceylance has added pidgeperfect and beentheredonematt** _

 

 **beentheredonematt:** /daddys home/

 **pidgeperfect:** U HOE I KEPT HIM OUT FOR A REASON

 **lanceylance:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **beentheredonematt:** (งಠ_ಠ)ง

 **lanceylance:** WAIT YOURE FORGETTING SOMETHING

 **lanceylance:** ( •_•)>⌐■-■ 

 **beentheredonematt:** ah thank u my loayal hoe

 **pidgeperfect:** loayal

 **beentheredonematt:**  (ง⌐■-■)ง

 **lanceylance** **:** purrfect

 **queef:** its time to 

 **queef:** sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssfolg.gb...bo

 **lanceylance:** ...

 **lanceylance:** w h a t

 **shirogone** **:** _[shirogone has sent (1) photo]_

 **beentheredonematt:** he slep

 **beentheredonematt:** he texp

 **beentheredonematt:** he changep his namep

 

**_beentheredonematt has changed queef's name to vaginalfart_ **

 

 **shirogone:** why

 **beentheredonematt:** BECAUSE THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE

 **lanceylance:** owo

 

_12:11pm_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

 **vaginalfart:** matt why

 **beentheredonematt:** because

 **beentheredonematt:** there

 **beentheredonematt** **:** are

 **beentheredonematt:** CHILDREN

 **vaginal fart:** who

 **beentheredonematt:** pidge

 **pidgeperfect:** I AM NOT A CHILDI

 **lanceylance:** childi

 **beentheredonematt:** YES YOU ARE

 **romello:** Childi.

 **balmarryme:** childi

 **shirogone:** childi

 **pidgeperfect:** WHY DO U DO IT TO ME BUT WHEN OTHER PEOPLE MAKE A TYPO ITS "typo who"

 **beentheredonematt:** so!!!

 **beentheredonematt:** completely ignoring that statement for more important things!!!

 **hunkalicious:** pidge ily

 **beentheredonematt:** who wants nuggets im a t mcdonalds binch

 **lanceylance** **:** MATT

 **beentheredonematt:** boyo i've already gotten yours

 **vaginalfart:** burger king nuggets or death

__

_1:23pm_

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

 **pidgeperfect:** i trust no one

 **vaginalfart:** :c

 **lanceylance:** [softly] why is that emoji so cute

 **hunkalicious:** wtf it is

 

_1:31pm_

 

_**lanceylance @ vaginal fart** _

 

 **lanceylance:** pssst

 **lanceylance:** psssssssssssst

 **lanceylance** **:** PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST

 **lanceylance:** DONT IGNORE ME 

 **lanceylance:** I KNOW UR READING THESE

 **lanceylance:** YOU LEFT ME ON READ

 **vaginalfart:** what do you want

 **lanceylance:** thank you

 **lanceylance:** aaaaaaand

 **lanceylance:** remember that project we were supposed to work on for graaade 9?

 **vaginalfart:** the train station one?

 **lanceylance:** yes that

 **vaginalfart:** yeah why

 **lanceylance:** _[lanceylance has sent (3) photos]_

 **lanceylance:**  EMILY!! AND!! LUIS!!! ARE!!! RIDING IT!!!

 **vaginalfart:** cute

 **vaginalfart:** anyways err

 **vaginalfart:** shiros getting suspicious

 **lanceylance:** when are we gonna tell them

 **vaginalfart:** i mean?? idc when, you wanted it to be kept a secret

 **lanceylance:** yeah ig

 **lanceylance:** now?

 **vaginalfart:** sure

 

_1:59pm_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

 **lanceylance:** EVERYONE

 **lanceylance:** I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE

 **pidgeperfect:** liar

 **myqueen:** Yes, Lance?

 **shirogone:** hmm

 **hunkalicious:** i am here; so is shay and romelle

 **beentheredonematt:** O O I KNOW WHAT IT IS

 **beentheredonematt:** VERONICA GOT MARRIED

 **lanceylance:** VERONICA GO

 **lanceylance:** can he go

 **myqueen:** Wow! Tell her I wish her congratulations!

 **shirogone:** congrats @ your sister, lance

 **beentheredonematt:** >:)

 

_2:09pm_

 

**_vaginalfart @ lanceylance_ **

 

 **vaginalfart:** seriously

 **lanceylance:** yep!

 **vaginalfart:** why didnt you say it

 **lanceylance:** oh would u look at that mamas callin me

 **vaginalfart:** LANCE

 

_2:13pm_

 

_**before school starts this fall** _

 

 **vaginalfart:** one hes lying

 **vaginalfart:** two

 **vaginalfart:** we walked in on shiro and matt making out

 **beentheredonematt:** hell yeah y'boi's got a bf

 **shirogone:** YOU WERE HOME?!?!?!?!

 **vaginalfart:**...yeh

 **lanceylance:** it was gross

 **lanceylance:** i have photos

 **myqueen:** A real congratulations would be in order?

 **hunkalicious:** woo

 **romello:** Good job.

 **balmarryme:** love is in the air

 

_2:32pm:_

_**lanceylance @ hunkalicious**  
_

 

 **lanceylance:** when are u gonna ask her out

 **hunkalicious** **:** when are u gonna ask keith out

 **lanceylance:** touché

 

_2:34pm_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

 **vaginalfart:** can my name PLEASE be changed

 **lanceylance:** you dont know how?????

 **vaginalfart:** no

 **lanceylance:** oh this is gold

 **shirogone:** Lance, no

 **lanceylance:** lance yes

 **pidgeperfect:** lance yes

 **vaginalfart:** LANCE NO

 

_**lanceylance has changed vaginalfart's name to #mullet4lyfe** _

 

 **#mullet4lyfe:** shiro

 **shirogone:** don't look at me, I don't know how

 

_**romello has changed #mullet4lyfe's name to Keith** _

 

 **Keith:** thank you, /romelle/

 **romello:** <3

 **lanceylance:** OH SO YOULL FLIRT WITH HIM BUT NOT ME

 **romello:** It is not flirting for me to send a heart to one of my dearest friends

 **lanceylance:** you dont react to my hearts :(

 **romello:** Because your hearts are romantic.

 **romello:** Anyways!

 **lanceylance:** ::((

 **pidgeperfect:** suck it up

 **pidgeperfect:** WAIT

 **beentheredonematt:** ;)

 **romello:** I must sign off now, friends, for Bandor hasn't eaten nor does he know how to cook! Goodbye!

 

_2:46pm_

 

**_romello @ lanceylance_ **

 

 **romello:** <3

 **lanceylance:** YES

 

_5:49pm_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

_**lanceylance has changed Keith's name to georgeclooney** _

 

 **georgeclooney:** ITS NOT A MULLET

 **pidgeperfect:** the sexual tension is fuckin strong in this one bitches

 **shirogone:** pidge. language.

 **pidgeperfect:** sorry,

 **pidgeperfect:** the sexual tension is fuckin muscular in this one bitches

 **lanceylance:** i just spat out my drink

 

_5:56pm_

 

**_georgeclooney @ lanceylance_ **

 

 **georgeclooney:** i want you to realize that i have a knife on me at all times

 

_5:57pm_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

_**lanceylance has changed georgeclooney's name to queef** _

 

 **queef:** thank you

 **romello:** o-o

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> personally i do not like this chapter but!!! ive gotta start it somehow  
> wheezes gently
> 
> i do have a plot i swear


	2. and so it ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the beginning of the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sobs  
> i realized i should give an explanation of ages  
> pidge: 14, HS freshman  
> lance: 17, HS junior  
> keith: 17, HS junior  
> hunk: 17, HS junior  
> shay: 17, HS junior  
> romelle: 19, HS grade 13 (taking another year for more courses)  
> allura: 23, UNI student  
> matt: 23, UNI graduate (listen;; he's smart, he skipped a lot of grades;;;)  
> shiro: 25, UNI graduate

 

_4:32am_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

 **lanceylance:** there's 104 days of summer vacation and school comes along just to end it so the annual problem for our generation is finding a good way to spend it

 **beentheredonematt:** like maybe...

 **romello:** Building a rocket

 **hunkalicious:** or fighting a mummy

 **shirogone:** or climbing up the eiffel tower

 **queef** **:** discovering something that doesn't exist

 **lanceylance:** funs over keith is here

 **shirogone:** lance...

 **romello:** I must admit, Keith is more fun than you are.

 **lanceylance:** ROMELLE

 **romello:** What's that emoji—

 **romello** **:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **lanceylance:** >:(

 **queef:** sucks to suck

 **lanceylance:** i never knew you were so dirty

 **balmarryme:** wow you should hear him in thace's class

 **lanceylance:** how did i not know this

 **queef:** bc you're really fucking dense

 **lanceylance:** no im not :((((

 **hunkalicious:** aw buddy :(

 **hunkalicious:** hate to break it to you;

 **romello:** I agree with Keith and Hunk

 **lanceylance:** this is bullying

 **pidgeperfect:** poor baby

 **lanceylance:** >:(

 **shirogone:** why is everybody up at 4 in the morning?

 **pidgeperfect:** i dont sleep

 **beentheredonematt:** bc ure really warm and cuddly and i want to be awake for it

 **shirogone:** i'm cuddly during the day?

 **beentheredonematt:** yea, when i /ask/

 **beentheredonematt:** cuddling without having to ask is ( ⏺3⏺)

 **lanceylance:** wtf

 **romello:** What is that?

 **queef:** ignoring that really fucking weird emoji

 **queef:** im up because i cant stop scrolling thorugh tumblr like jfc

 **queef:**  help me

 **lanceylance:** CAPTAIN LANCEYLANCE IS HERE TO SAVE THE DAY

 **queef:** sure

 **shirogone:** youre in my house???

 **pidgeperfect:** smile and wave, boys, smile and wave

 **lanceylance:** god i wanna watch that no

 **queef:** watch what

 **pidgeperfect:** no

 **lanceylance:** penguins of madagascar

 **queef:** whats that

 **lanceylance:** YOU HAVENT SEEN PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR?

 **queef:** no

 **lanceylance:** im fixing this

 **shirogone:** WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOME?

 

_4:59am_

 

**_romello @ queef_ **

 

 **romello:** youve seen penguins of madagascar

 **romello:** fess up bitch

 **queef:** shh

 **queef:** i need an excuseto watch it with him okay

 **romello:** lmao allura owes me ten bucks

 **queef:** WHAT

 **queef:** WHY

 

_5:00am_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

 **lanceylance:** lmao im not

 **lanceylance:**  i was saying i would but i wont if daddy doesn't want me to

 **shirogone:** don't call me that

 **lanceylance:** but ur daddy :(

 **shirogone:** no I'm not

 **queef:** technically

 **shirogone:** I'll shred those adoption papers and give you back

 **queef:** you wouldnt dare

 **shirogone:** watch me

 **beentheredonematt:** OH SHIT

 **beentheredonematt:** HE GOUT OUT OF BED

 **pidgeperfect:** gout

 

_5:15am_

 

 **_shirogo_ ** **_ne @ queef_ **

 

 **shirogone:** hey

 **shirogone:** you know I'm joking, right?

 **shirogone:** keith?

 **queef:** yep

 **shirogone:** are you sure?

 **queef:** yeppppp

 **queef:** promise

 

_5:25am_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

 **lanceylance:** annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd

 **lanceylance:** i am au casa du les broganes

 **lanceylance:** with a copy of the penguins of madagascar

 **lanceylance:** on netflix

 **lanceylance:** on my laptop

 **lanceylance:** AND WE WILL WATCH

 

_5:27am_

 

**_romello @ queef_ **

 

 **romello:** ;)

 **queef:** shut up

 **romello:** have fun netflix and chilling

 **queef:** i hate you

 **romello:** i know u mean love<3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

 **queef:** fuck

 **romello:** lance

 **queef:** yo

 **queef:** ASRWFDTWFAWYTWAFT

 **queef:** sHUT IT

 

_8:45am_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

 **myqueen:** Did everyone get a good sleep?

 **shirogone:** Keith looked at his phone and groaned

 **shirogone:** Lance is still asleep

 **pidgeperfect:** he didnt leave?

 **shirogone:** nah

 **pidgeperfect:** wheres he sleeping

 **beentheredonematt:** _[beentheredonematt has sent (5) photos]_

 **beentheredonematt:** more black mail a la mode

 **pidgeperfect:** send me every photo you have

 **shirogone:** :^)

 **shirogone:** keith's asleep again

 **beentheredonematt:** >:)

 **shirogone:** MA

 **pidgeperfect:** ( ಠ ಠ )

 

_9:00am_

 

**_pidgeperfect @ beentheredonematt_ **

 

 **pidgeperfect:** every photo you've got

 **beentheredonematt:** what do i get out of it

 **pidgeperfect:** ill build that shaving robot youre failing at

 **beentheredonematt:** _[beentheredonematt has sent (23) photos]_

 **pidgeperfect:** pleasure doing business with you

 **beentheredonematt:** :(

 

_9:05am_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

 **shirogone:** he tried to spray whip cream in their mouth's

 **pidgeperfect:** WHY DID U STOP HIM

 **pidgeperfect:** MY BROTHER HAS A LMITIED KNOWLEDGE OF GOOD IDEAS

 **beentheredonematt:** :(

 **beentheredonematt:** and lmitied

 **hunkalicious:** i hate to side with matt,

 **pidgeperfect:** hunk,, pls,,, 

 **hunkalicious:** i have to

 **hunkalicious:** /im sorry/

 **hunkalicious:** lmitied

 **beentheredonematt:** top ten anime betrayals

 

_7:23pm_

 

_**lanceylance @ queef** _

 

 **lanceylance:** youre coming over right

 **queef:** yeah

 **queef:** im bringing mcdonalds

 **lanceylance:** IFANWIFH

 **lanceylance:** nuggets and oreo mcflurries?

 **queef:** wish we had a burger king but yes

 **lanceylance:** ive never been more in love with you

 **queef:** :)

 **lanceylance:** owo <333

 **queef:** w h a t

 **lanceylance:** owwwwwo

 

_7:29pm_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

 **queef:** _[queef has sent (1) photo]_

 **lanceylance:** exposed,,, by my own blood,,,, _  
_

**queef:** we're not related wtf

 **lanceylance:** boyo--

 **beentheredonematt:** OWO WHATS THIS

 **lanceylance:**!!!!

 **myqueen:** uwu

 **lanceylance:** /!!!!!!/

 **queef:** what have i started

 

_12:00am_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

 **pidgeperfect:** /the demons are coming/

 

_1:00am_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

 **romello:** uwu

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [intensive sobbing] 
> 
> listen i know romelle allura and shay arent in it a lot
> 
> thye will be soon
> 
> sobs
> 
> also!! you guessed it; klance is canon in this!!! that's their secret!!  
> will it be discovered? uwu  
> bye ily all


	3. and then the plot began

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think
> 
> i think i've gotten a chapter title flow
> 
> also i?? im not adding that many enters, it just? happens /after/ i post it???  
> i try to fix them but wufbsdnigsdgi

 

_1:39am_

 

**_pidgeperfect has added balmarryme, romello, and myqueen to the demons are coming_ **

 

 

 

 **pidgeperfect:** one romelle ily

 **pidgeperfect:** TWO

 **pidgeperfect:** at 2am

 **balmarryme:** IDBS

 **pidgeperfect:** does someone want to

 **pidgeperfect:** idbs

 **romello:** idbs

 **myqueen:** idbs

 **balmarryme:** :(

 **pidgeperfect:** FINALLY SOME RESPECT

 **pidgeperfect:** anyways

 **pidgeperfect:** at 3am are you good to go allura

 **myqueen** **:** bitch always

 **pidgeperfect:** and at 4am romelle

 **romello:** let's go

 **pidgeperfect:** at 5am i'll scream

 **pidgeperfect:** but before that ill change the group chat to 666 and delete it

 **balmarryme:** wont that wake up and scare your parents??

 **pidgeperfect:** im at shiros place w matt

 **romello:** FUCK TO THE YES

 

_2:00am_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

 **balmarryme:** o w o

 

_2:01am_

 

**_beentheredonematt @ lanceylance_ **

 

 **beentheredonematt:** im scared to talk in the gc

 **lanceylance:** o

 **lanceylance:** w

 **lanceylance:** o

 **beentheredonematt:** UVDIGSGBSDGBSDGJGSDLGBSGIKSDGNLSDGISDGSDGIDSG

 

_3:00am_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

 **myqueen:** uwu

 

_3:05am_

 

**_the demons are coming_ **

 

 **pidgeperfect:** excellent

 **balmarryme:** indeed

 **myqueen:** im so tired but i wanna see how this goes down

 **balmarryme:** me as well

 **romello:** SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK

 **pidgeperfect:** sleep is f

 **pidgeperfect:** wow

 **romello:** soft sob

 

_4:00am_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

 **romello:** u w u

 **beentheredonematt:** /what's happening/

 **lanceylance:** im actually lowkey terrified

 **queef:** cowards

 

_4:04am_

 

**_lanceylance @ queef_ **

 

 **lanceylance:** i wish u didnt have to leave :((

 **queef:** shiro wanted me home

 **queef:** sorry :(

 **lanceylance:** wanna come over again today?

 **queef:** um yes

 **queef:** wanna go to like

 **lanceylance:** if you say burger king

 **queef:** bur

 **queef:** the beach

 **lanceylance:** bc you recommended such a good idea we'll do both

 **lanceylance:** ily babe

 **lanceylance:** AND DO NOT WORRY

 **lanceylance:** about saying it back

 **lanceylance:** i know you do

 **lanceylance:** and i also know it's hard for you to say

 **lanceylance:** so do not worry

 **queef:** thank you

 **lanceylance:** <333

_5:00am_

 

**_pidgeperfect has changed the chat name to 666_ **

 

**_pidgeperfect has deleted a message_ **

 

**_666_ **

 

 **pidgeperfect:** ༼ つ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ༽つ

 **beentheredonematt:** OH HOLY SHIT WHAT THEFUCK

 **queef:** WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT

 **shirogone:** PIDGE WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING

 **lanceylance:** wh a t

 

_5:08am_

 

**_queef @ lanceylance_ **

 

 **queef:** HOW ABOUT RIGHT NOW

 **queef:** CANI COM E OVER RIGHT NWO

 **lanceylance:** yeah???

 **queef:** THANKS

 **lanceylance:** whats up babe

 **queef:** pidge is???? screaming??? and she just chucked some FAKE CANDLES IN M FUCKING ROOM

 **lanceylance:** jfc

 **lanceylance:** you okay?

 **queef:** NO

 **lanceylance:** okay babe

 **lanceylance:** ive got nice warm arms for you to hide in

 **lanceylance:** youre okay

 **queef:** wyfguhijowfugyewvgu

 

_5:12am_

 

**_lanceylance @ pidgeperfect_ **

 

 **lanceylance:** dude

 **lanceylance:** not funny

 **pidgeperfect:** o   w   o

 **lanceylance:** why would you think throwing fake, lit candles into his room would be funny

 **pidgeperfect:** ooooooo wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ooooooooooooooooooooo

 **lanceylance:** fuck you

 **pidgeperfect:** wha

 

_5:17am_

 

_**666**  
_

 

_**lanceylance has changed the chat name to 104 days of summer vacation** _

 

 **lanceylance:** i never want to see this happen again

 **beentheredonematt:** p l e a s e

 **beentheredonematt:** i am

 **beentheredonematt:** traumatised

 **shirogone:** shh baby

 **shirogone:** big muscle man will protect

 **beentheredonematt:** thank u [dramatic sigh]

 **shirogone:** wait wheres Keith

 **pidgeperfect:** hes in his room lol

 **shirogone:** I'm gonna go check on him

 

_5:23am_

 

**_shirogone @ queef_ **

 

 **shirogone:** where are you

 **queef:** lances house

 **shirogone:** you didnt think to tell me?

 **queef:** she threw lit candlesinto my room

 **queef:** they were fake

 **queef:** i didnt realize when she threw them

 **queef:** when i saw they were fake i kinda just panicked and ran

 **shirogone:** oh

 **shirogone:** I'll talk to her

 **queef:** NO

 **queef:** im fnie now

 **queef:** just

 **queef:** im okay

 **queef:** dont talk to her

 **queef:** please

 **shirogone:**...okay

 **shirogone:** but if it gets to the point where you cant handle it

 **queef:** i know

 **queef:** thanks

 **shirogone:** no problem, bro

 **shirogone:** I love you, okay?

 **queef:** i loveyou too

 

_5:29am_

 

**_104 days of summer vacation_ **

 

 **balmarryme:** now that that's over

 **balmarryme:** good night!!!

 **myqueen:** wouldn't it be good morning

 **lanceylance:** owo??? whats this???

 **lanceylance:** allura?? typing not formally?????

 **myqueen:** shut ur dumb fuck im tired

 **lanceylance:** :(

 **shirogone:** that was mean, Allura

 **myqueen:** /shut ur dumb fuck/

 **pidgeperfect:** roasted

 **myqueen:** h o w

 **pidgeperfect:** idk

 **myqueen:** ok then

 **myqueen:** welllll im going to bed good morning

 **balmarryme:** good morning

 **romello:** good morning you wimps

 **romello:** HSIT

 

**_romello has deleted two messages_ **

 

 **lanceylance:** good morning

 **lanceylance:** keith says good morning too

 

 _6:00am_  


_**pidgeperfect @ romello** _

 

 **pidgeperfect:** mario kart?

 **romello:** hell yeah

 **romello:** bandor wants to join is that chill

 **pidgeperfect:** hell yeah

 **pidgeperfect:** wait here

 

**_pidge has added bandora and romello to M A R I O_ **

 

_6:03am_

 

**_M A R I O_ **

 

 **pidgeperfect:** mariokart tournament?

 **bandora:** yes

 **romello:** i am the champion, yes

 **pidgeperfect:** bitch ur on

 

**_pidgeperfect has started a call (6:06am)_ **

_**romello has joined the call (6:06am)** _

**_bandora has joined the call (6:06am)_ **

 

_9:32am_

 

**_104 days of summer vacation_ **

 

 **hunkalicious:** i had a great sleep :)

 

_10:32am_

 

**_M A R I O_ **

 

**_romello has left the call (10:32am)_ **

 

**_bandora has left the call (1:23pm)_ **

**_pidgeperfect has left the call (1:23pm)_ **

 

 **romello:** who won?

 **pidgeperfect:** me

 **bandora:** her

 

_1:34pm_

 

**_romello @ bandora_ **

 

 **romello:** why'd you let her win???

 **romello:** youre??? the best at mario kart???

 **bandora:** thats for me to know and for you to

 **bandora:** i forgot the saying but whatever

 **romello:** hmm

 **romello:** boy im onto you

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also;; referring to keiths little freakout ,,, it WILL be addressed next chapter, im not like dreamworks
> 
> also YALL s7 WAS good and you cant change my mind. if you dont like it thats chill but im adding stuff /from/ s7 in here, like, for example, characters
> 
> wheezes softly  
> catch u in the next one


	4. and then the walls came tumbling down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pompei;;;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY NYALL  
> REALLY IMPORTANT NOTE AT THE END EXPLAINING SOMETHING ABOUT THIS FIC SOFT SOB

 

_3:33pm_

 

**_104 days of summer vacation_ **

 

_**romello has added bandora** _

 

 **bandora:** hello!!!

 **lanceylance:** owo whats this

 **romello:** this is bandor, my brother!

 **lanceylance:** so the family i need to get the blessing from right

 **bandora:** no

 **bandora:** you're not worthy of obtaining our family name

 **lanceylance:** :(

 **romello:** :)

 **bandora:** :)

 **queef:** y'all are so mean to him

 **lanceylance:** y-yall?

 **pidgeperfect:** BAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 **queef:** what

 **pidgeperfect:** ya texas

 **queef:** uh?? yeah??

 **pidgeperfect:** BAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

 **queef:** okay?

 **lanceylance:** this,

 **lanceylance:** is gold

 **lanceylance:** MATT

 **shirogone:** hes busy

 **shirogone:** he's laughing so hard he's crying

 **shirogone:** I don't see why it's so funny

 **queef:** neither do i?

 **lanceylance:** you poor, unfortunate souls

 **pidgeperfect:** im crying

 **bandora:** oh no!!

 **bandora:** are you okay?

 

_3:56pm_

 

**_shirogone @ queef_ **

 

 **shirogone:** hey

 **shirogone:** how are you feeling?

 **queef:** better

 **queef:** lance hauihojgpk[ldsg

 **shirogone:** Keith?

 **queef:** OKAY SORRY HI

 **queef:** ITS LANCE

 **queef:** hes lying

 **queef:** im actually sitting on him rn but

 **queef:** hes still shaking really bad and he forgets to breathe periodically

 **shirogone:** thank you, Lance

 **shirogone:** and youre helping him through it?

 **queef:** the tailor is at your service

 **shirogone:** alright

 **shirogone:** can you give Keith the phone back?

 **queef:** YEP

 **queef:** i want

 **queef:** a new

 **queef:** friend group

 **shirogone:** uh huh

 **shirogone:** do you wanna talk about it?

 **queef:** not really

 **queef:** its kinda

 **queef:** still really fresh?

 **queef:** like i get it, it was still like ten years ago

 **queef:** and i had to watch all of it because he just ficking insisited on sabving that fmaily

 **queef:** hwich is fine i knoe es a good person andf all

 **queef:** buthe

 **queef:** ranin anf

 **shirogone:** Keith, kiddo

 **shirogone:** keep breathing

 **shirogone:** I know it's hard, I do

 **shirogone:** it'll get better with time

 **queef:** ijust wnat mydad backl

 

 **queef:** okay yes hi it's lance again

 **queef:** i'm gonna take him off his phone forrrrr the time being

 **queef:** distract him with shit

 **queef:** ill give you an update later, that good?

 **shirogone:** perfect

 **shirogone:** take care of him

 **queef:** yes sir

 

_4:04pm_

 

**_104 days of summer vacation_ **

 

 **pidgeperfect:** has anyone else noticed how abnormally silent lance and keith are

 **beentheredonematt:** owo

 **bandora:** are they not normally this quiet?

 

_**pidgeperfect has changed their name to pidgeon** _

 

 **pidgeon:** nope

 **bandora:** i see

 **bandora:** perhaps they are injured?

 **bandora:** OH NO

 **pidgeon:** wha

 **bandora:** WHAT IF THEY HAVE BROKEN BOTH OF THEIR LEGS WHILE GOING TO THE BATHROOM????

 **romello:** [sticks leggy up]

 **lanceylance:** hhhelllppp

 **pidgeon:** theyre n

 **bandora:** I KNEW IT

 **lanceylance:** ive----

 **lanceylance:** ive fallen and i cantg et uppppp

 **queef:** hes fine

 **queef:** horrible at mariokart but fine

 **pidgeon:** are u at his house?

 **bandora:** i smell sexual tension

 **hunkalicious:** nah lmao if they were dating lance wouldve told me

 **hunkalicious:** he cant keep anything secret from me ibfhsodg

 **balmarryme:** speaking of dating;;

 **balmarryme:** well not really but whatever

 **balmarryme:** how does a movie night sound?

 **pidgeon:** yes

 **romello:** id love one??

 **bandora:** i would love to, if you'll have me

 **balmarryme:** of course!!

 **myqueen:** unforunately, i'll be busy until 9pm

 **balmarryme:** you guys can all stay the night, too, so come whenever

 **balmarryme:** and allura, dont worry about that! come whenever you want, if you want to

 **myqueen:** thank you!!!

 

_4:16pm_

 

**_shirogone @ lanceylance_ **

 

 **shirogone:** I know youre dating Keith

 **shirogone:** and that's totally fine

 **shirogone:** but do know

 **shirogone:** if you hurt him

 **shirogone:** I will tear you apart, limb. by. limb

 **lanceylance:** yes sir

 **shirogone:** /I can't hear you/

 

**_lanceylance has started a call (4:17pm)_ **

**_shirogone has joined a call (4:17pm)_ **

 

**_lanceylance has left the call (4:19pm)_ **

**_shirogone has left the call (4:19pm)_ **

 

 **shirogone:** good

 **shirogone:** anyways, have a nice night, use protection

 **lanceylance:** yes sir

 **shirogone:** you're going to fuck my brother?

 **lanceylance:** I MEAN NO

 **lanceylance:** IDK

 

_4:23pm_

 

**_shirogone @ beentheredonematt_ **

 

**shirogone:** _[shirogone has sent (3) screenshots]_

**beentheredonematt:** udioUVFBINODOSFI

 **beentheredonematt:** tbh i'd shit my pants if i had a guardian like you shovel talk me 

 **beentheredonematt:** hes a brave one

 **shirogone:** yeah, and I know he'll take good care of Keith

 **shirogone:** I just wanted his reaction to that

 **beentheredonematt:** ofc

 **beentheredonematt:** come fetch me from work

 **shirogone:** you know it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wheezes softly  
> it was short but i have to pACK STILL OKAY  
> i hope u enjoyed
> 
> VERY IMPORTANT NOTE (not really lmfao)
> 
> starting TOMORROW, (depends on when you're reading this-- saturday, august 18th), i am going to be dead.  
> sike, no, im joking. im horrible at jokes please kill me anYWAYS ;; i'm going to a?? summer camp? i will have no wifi at all, and there are no electronics allowed, either, so, soft wheeze  
> no updates for a week  
> im sorry nyall  
> ily still
> 
> ill try to get up as many updates as i can today and some of tomorrow, i swear


	5. and then the race began

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a list at the end for my absence <3  
> enjoy this meme as an apology (it had me crying in class from laughter):  
> https://knowyourmeme.com/videos/174293-kermit-the-frog
> 
> hope you enjoy this update<3333
> 
> (also: im canadian, there are u's in here that you might think are wrong but they aren't)

 

_4:04am_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

 **bandora:** im dying

 **bandora:** send help

 **bandora:** literally dying

 **bandora:** tell my sister shes a bitch--

 **romello:** bitch ass motherfucker

 **romello:** man up its just kermit 

 **bandora:** HES CREEPY AND I HATE THAT YOU SHOWED ME IT

 **romello:** pussy

 **pidgeon:** what

 **bandora:** pIDGE

 **romello:** dont listen to him im a saint

 **myqueen:** keep telling yourself that, darling

 **romello:** ALLURA

 **myqueen:** yes?

 **romello:** IM A FUCKING SAINT

 **myqueen:** when it is not the wee hours of the morning, yes, but i still love you

 **romello:** good

 **pidgeon:** w h a t

 **bandora:** i second that thanks

 **romello:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 

 

_9:34am_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

 

 **pidgeon:** okay buckle up bitches were in for a ride

 **queef:** okay

 **lanceylance:** NO WE WILL BE IN A MINUTE THOUGH

 **lanceylance:** ALLURA SINCE WHEN

 **myqueen:** hmm?

 **lanceylance:** S I N C E W HE N

 **myqueen:** well romelle and i have been a thing for quite a few months, but we had a betting pool

 **myqueen:** bandor figured out this morning, like i suspected

 **romello:** had to pay the bitch twenty bucks

 **myqueen:** but i spent it on her breakfast

 **romello:** bitch

 **romello:** i love you

 **myqueen:** i love you too

 **lanceylance:** NOT THAT

 **lanceylance:** SINCE HWEN DO YOU TYPE NOT FORMALLY

 **myqueen:** oh dear lord

 **lanceylance:** im hurt i havent seen this side of you earlier

 

_**myqueen has changed lanceylance 's name to lonceylonce** _

 

 **myqueen:** is that better?

 **lonceylonce:** yes

 **lonceylonce:** thank you

 

 

_9:41am_ _  
_

 

**_queef @ lonceylonce_ **

 

 **queef:** romelle and allura did it

 **queef:** they arent

 **queef:** like

 **queef:** mad?

 **lonceylonce:** of course not babe

 **lonceylonce:** im pretty sure everyone in that chat is some kind of gay, why would they be mad if they found out?

 **queef:** we should tell them

 **lonceylonce:** do you want me to?

 **queef:**...

 **lonceylonce:** ill do it babe

 

 

_9:47am_

 

**_before school starts this fall_ **

****

**_lonceylonce has changed the chat name from before school starts this fall to there are gays in this chilis_ **

 

**_there are gays in this chilis_ **

 

 **lonceylonce:** h

 **pidgeon:** hunk pay up 

 **hunkalicious:** yeah okay

 **queef:** wow

 **lonceylonce:** i feel you

 **lonceylonce:** AND HUNK WTF I HAD FAITH IN YOU

 **queef:** anyone want a free boyfriend

 **queef:** hardly touched

 **lonceylonce:** :(

 **hunkalicious:** i thought you were gonna fess up last week

 **lonceylonce:** damn bro i love you

 **hunkalicious:** i love you too bro

 **balmarryme:** so, keith

 **queef:** shay

 **balmarryme:** it seems we have been left to fend for ourselves

 **queef:** so it seems

 **balmarryme:** see my username?

 **queef:** i do..

 **balmarryme:** the correct answer

 **queef:** okay

 **lonceylonce:** nice flex bro

 **queef:** goodnight

 **lonceylonce:** ITS TEN AM

 **queef:** yeah well i got no sleep and youre warm so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **lonceylonce:** i should be cold i just came inside like a minute ago

 **queef:** WELL YOURE WARM

 **queef:** AND WE HAVE BLANKETS

 **lonceylonce:** alright then babe

 **pidgeon:** ew

 **lonceylonce:** :(

 **pidgeon:** ew romance

 **lonceylonce:** youll understand eventually pidgey

 **pidgeon:** dont acll me that

 **beentheredonematt:** YEAH BITCH

 **lonceylonce:** :(

 **queef:** dont attack him

 **queef:** but for real gn

 **bandora:** sleep tight dont let the gay bugs bite

 **pidgeon:** when did you become not like. straight up formal

 **bandora:** when my sister became gay

 **romello:** so when i was a baby

 **bandora:** yes

 **bandora:** but i meant when i found out you were dating ALLURA

 **pidgeon:** so this morning

 **bandora:** yes

 **pidgeon:** nice

 

_3:45am_

 

**_there are gays in this chilis_ **

 

 **pidgeon:** oh shit i understand

 **bandora:**??

 **pidgeon:** NOTHING

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY LETS GO BINCHES WHO ARE LOVELY--  
> 1) i forgot my plot while at camp  
> 2) scHOOL IS HARD AND BUSY OKAY I HAVE SO MUCH HOMEWORK TO CATCH UP ON BUT WHAT AM I DOING? TEXTING FANFICS  
> 4) ive gotten into two really. emotionally draining fights. fun times. got to see why i hate myself all over again.  
> 5) i roleplay. a lot. too much. and get distracted.  
> 6) depresso espresso has yet to leave the GOD DAMN STATION  
> 7) the guy i like is a robot and probably dating this girl who gets a new crush like every week (i asked; both of them said idk)  
> 8) i got back into minecraft yes im a fucking nerd  
> 9) i looked back at all of my old fics and?? wow i hate them all. like i. was writing before i knew how to write properly and props to my english teacher for teaching me new things  
> 10) okay so theres?? a lot of really good authors out there nowadays who make keith whump and like. i love them. hit up like. calledilae3 (however i spell that) and silenceisgolden15 (id link but idk how)  
> and i saved the best for last  
> 11) I BROKE MY NOSE SIBDGNOJGPKS[GIKSBGWPEHOJGPK  
>  ^ it wasnt disformed or shit so we didnt find out until like,, last month? i broke it the second day of camp from a dangerous but fun af game 
> 
>  
> 
> thats it lmaugbsingosdg ill see you next update or my next fic whichevers first  
> also!! im working on ABC of hurt paladins, stop by with a prompt if you liek it ;) first chapter: heith and keith whump


End file.
